Spring Fever
by Frakme
Summary: What was supposed to be a routine first contact causes chaos on the Enterprise... Rating for sexual situations, non graphic. Hints of slash but no actual slash. One off pairings of Reed/Sato and Tucker/Cutler.


**Humour, probably AU. Hints of slash but no actual slash. Sexual situations. There's barely a plot here. Reed/Sato, Tucker/Cutler.**

**Written for a challenge but it didn't quite meet the requiremens (IMO) and I feel like I've spent enough time on it!**

_Captain's Log. Stardate June 13th 2152_

_We're currently in orbit around N'r'nja, a planet in the Epsilon Orpheus system. They have proved very welcoming and are a planet of pacifistic vegans. Their planet offers a very pleasant, temperate environment and we have fortuitously arrived in the middle of their Spring festival._

_Myself, Ensign Sato, Doctor Phlox and Subcommander T'Pol went to the planet to meet with V'rde, their Planetary Facilitator, who is a very genial host. Hoshi was delighted to learn the N'r'njans language which is highly structured and T'Pol was gratified to be able to exchange some vegan recipes. Phlox has even been gifted with a new creature, slimy and with a lot of legs, that secretes a natural anti-fungal agent._

_I brought Porthos with me and he was an instant hit; he endeared himself to V'rde, who decided to erect a small statue in his governmental mansion in his honour. I avoided saying 'I told you so' to T'Pol, who'd once again objected to me bringing my beloved pooch along. She still keeps reminding me of our recent disastrous contact with the Kretassans._

_I then pointed out that Porthos had created far fewer interplantery incidents than Trip, who also did the puppy eyed trick to get me to take him along._

_It's a good job I managed not to give in to him, even if he does out-beg Porthos, as it seems the pecan is also indigenous to N'r'nja, only it is a sacred object and to eat one would be sacrilege punishable by death. Since telling Trip not to do something is a guaranteed way to get him to do it, I thought it best for him to stay on the ship. I really don't want the hassle of breaking in a new Chief Engineer!_

_The N'r'njans have requested our help as there is an asteroid heading towards one of their moons and although they are a warp capable species, due to their non-violent way of life, they have no means to destroy it._

_Lieutenant Reed is working on a plan to divert the path of the asteroid and then blow it up. I did point out to him that all we need to do is to divert it but he was very insistent on the need to blow it up as well. I suspect it's because he hasn't had a chance to blow anything up in the past few weeks and he is getting rather antsy._

_He's not the only one; I've noticed since we got back from the planet that others in the crew seem to be rather restless today; fortunately the N'r'njans have invited the crew to take shore leave on the planet once we have dealt with the current crisis._

* * *

Captain Jonathan Archer stepped onto the bridge and Lieutenant Malcolm Reed caught his attention.

"Captain, we're ready to divert the asteroid," he said. "We've modified the torpedos to ensure that they explode precisely in the correct configuration."

"Good work, Lieutenant," replied the captain. "Ready when you are."

Reed smiled and input the commands into his console. A slight shudder to the deck plating indicated the torpedoes were away, heading towards the asteroid. Thirty seconds later, there was a series of explosions and a flash of light.

Subcommander T'Pol checked her console and looked up.

"The asteroid appears to be have been diverted by 7.8 degrees, Captain," she said. "That is sufficient for it to miss N'r'nja by a margin of 10 million kilometres."

"Excellent! Hoshi please hail the N'r'jans and advise them." Ensign Sato nodded in confirmation.

"Hello, Captain," said V'rde, as he appeared on the screen. He was vaguely humanoid, looking rather like a sheep, with white, close cropped curly hair over most of his face, rosy cheeks and big dark eyes. "My chief scientist has told me that you have managed to divert the asteroid! My thanks to you and your gallant crew!"

"We're glad to be of service!" smiled the captain. It did give him a nice, glowing feeling to have such a successful first contact under his belt. "Your lunar base is now safe, sir."

"We would like you and your senior officers to attend a banquet in your honour," gushed the grateful Planetary Facilitator. "In one tenth of our planet's rotation?"

"Approximately 2.7 hours," supplied T'Pol, efficient as usual.

Jon nodded a thanks to his science officer.

"We'll be there, Planetary Facilitator," he said. "_Enterprise_ out."

Jon glanced around the bridge.

"T'Pol, Malcolm, Hoshi, prepare to get your glad rags on." He smirked a little at the armoury officer's slight grimace. "That means dress uniforms!"

"Can I at least finish off the asteroid first?" asked Malcolm. Archer smiled. Although he didn't swing that way, he had to admit the British man did look cute when blowing things up. Not that he ever would tell him. Oh no, Jonathan Archer liked his balls where they were, thank you very much!

* * *

It was almost time for the four officers to depart. Malcolm had artfully destroyed the asteroid and was particularly pleased by the symmetry of the explosion. The resultant debris would eventually burn up in N'r'nja's atmosphere, treating the inhabitants to a spectacular meteor shower.

Commander Charles 'Trip' Tucker III had been summoned to the bridge, his sulk headed off by reminding him of the N'r'nja's vegan diet and that Chef was serving chipotle pulled pork in the mess. Grinning at the thought of the away team chewing away at tofu like substances, he happily took command of the bridge and even promised to catch up on some of his overdue reports.

The four of them assembled in the launch bay, Malcolm would be piloting. The captain looked approvingly at how smart they all looked in their dress uniforms, although T'Pol had chosen to don a traditional Vulcan outfit in a deep bronze that flattered her slightly coppery skin tone and made, in Jon's opinion, her hazel eyes look luminous.

Malcolm and Hoshi flattered their dress uniforms as well, Malcolm, who had shone his boots like mirrors, looked very dapper and Hoshi had her hair up in a new up do that was exceedingly attractive, showing the graceful lines of her neck.

Jon shook his head slightly as he climbed into _Shuttlepod One_. He really shouldn't be eyeing up his senior crew, but darn it, he wondered if his crew had been picked for their looks as well their skill set.

On arrival at the governmental mansion, they were effusively greeted by V'rde and his officials. They were ushered inside to find a sumptuous banquet, including delicious cakes made from the _m'l'nc't'n_ flower, which were a traditional food during the spring. They had first tried the cakes when they initially made contact with the N'r'njan people, the previous day and Jon had already requested some to take back with him.

Time flew by quickly, even T'Pol appeared to enjoy herself, involved in a lively debate with a N'r'njan physicist about some obscure form of particle physics that the captain couldn't follow. Malcolm on the other hand was been given a slightly wide berth, Jon guessed a planet full of pacifists wasn't the natural environment of an armoury officer rumoured to be the most dangerous man in Starfleet. Still, since he wasn't the most sociable person in the crew, Malcolm was likely pretty content, left to his own devices.

All too soon, the feast was over. Jon had to admit that despite being vegan, the food was delicious. He originally hadn't been too keen when T'Pol had wanted to talk to Chef about including more vegan and vegetarian options in the mess but perhaps he'd been too hasty, still stinging from her pointed remarks about the illogical consumption of animal flesh.

There were warm goodbyes exchanged then Jon and the rest of the away team got back into the shuttlepod, all feeling rather mellow, with several boxes of the _m'l'nc't'n_ flower cakes to give to the galley for the crew.

It was very late by the time they all returned. Jon checked in with the gamma shift crew on the bridge, Trip had already retired for the night, before following Hoshi, Malcolm and T'Pol's examples and heading to his quarters for a good night's sleep.

* * *

The next morning, T'Pol drew the lottery for shore leave, unfortunately as the _Enterprise_ was expected at Omicron Cephei IV for a scientific exchange in three days, only a quarter of the crew would be able to go down planetside.

Amongst the winners of the lottery were Travis, Michael Rostov, Anna Hess and Phlox. The captain wasn't too disappointed at missing out, not only did he have some reports to catch up on, Admiral Forrest had recently sent him the three latest Stanford matches and between the recent diplomatic talks with the Uva, trying to avoid the advances of a rather sexually aggressive Almendran Queen during a trade and a rescue of a Fresan ship that had been attacked by Nausiccan pirates, he hadn't had a chance to watch them. Feeling magnanimous, he decided he would invite Trip along to watch with him.

Having seen off the lucky crewmembers off on the two shuttlepods, Captain Archer went to the bridge to make a start on his reports. It took him a couple of hours, he was having a little difficulty concentrating on them and was developing a little bit of a headache. Perhaps it was the dryness of Malcolm's weapons inventory, he thought. It was almost lunchtime so he decided to head to the mess with a detour to sickbay for an analgesic.

Crewman Cutler was there, having missed out on the draw and as soon as the captain explained his problem, she gave him an analgesic.

"I hope you're not too disappointed about missing out on shore leave, Crewman," he said as he was about to leave.

Liz smiled and shook her head.

"No, Captain." She smiled at him reassuringly. "Ever since that incident with the psychotropic pollen, I've suffered from hay fever. I didn't put my name in the draw since it's spring down on the planet and it's not worth trying to figure out what anti-histimines will stop an attack for just a few hours' shore leave."

"I see, Crewman," he said, "Perhaps will have our next shore leave on an ice planet."

"Oh I hope so, sir! I love snow!"

The captain chuckled and shook his head as he left the pretty young crewman in sickbay. It occurred to him as he walked to the mess hall that he hadn't notice that Crewman Cutler was rather attractive before. He shook his head as he entered the mess. _Perhaps I should've taken shore leave!_ he thought.

* * *

Commander Trip Tucker was busy in engineering, he'd been in a bad mood since he'd lost out on the shore leave lottery but not for long as the captain had invited him to dinner and to watch water polo. He and the captain hadn't had much chance to spend any time off duty together so he was looking forward to it. The captain had also sent him a box of the cakes he'd brought back from the planet and Trip had shared them with the engineering crew. Not only that, the N'r'njans had given the captain the specifications for a new kind of inertial dampener that responded 8% faster than their current ones and he was eager to install and test it.

It wasn't long before he'd forgotten about missing shore leave, busy planning out how he was going to replace the inertial dampeners while the ship was in orbit.

* * *

Later that day, the shore leave crew returned to the ship, all of them looking content and full of interesting tales of what they had been doing and quite a few souvenirs, including more of the traditional cakes, which were proving popular with the crew not lucky enough to have gone planetside. As the captain, while waiting for Trip, observed the happy crowd in the mess hall, he thought there seemed to be something quite different about the atmosphere, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Then after a few minutes he figured it out; the crew appeared to be pairing off and there was an awful lot of flirting going on, much more than usual.

Now he knew there were a few on board relationships, to be expected with a mission as long as theirs, but it seemed to him as he quietly observed the crew that there was definitely an air of sensuality in the mess. Once again he mused that he was lucky to have such highly attractive specimens of humanity on board his ship. He was startled out of his reverie by a loud Floridian accent.

"Hey, Cap'n," said Trip, smiling broadly, "You okay, you look kinda spaced?"

Jon shook his head and smiled back at Trip. _Lord that man has a beautiful smile!_ He started slightly, wondering where the hell that thought had come from. He shook his head as he and Trip entered the captain's mess, where shortly after, they were served, to the captain's delight, a mixed grill.

"Where's T'Pol this evening?" asked Trip, "I guess Chef knew she wasn't dining with us tonight?"

Jon snorted as he imagined the Vulcan woman's face if she saw what they were eating this evening.

"She said she had agreed to eat with Phlox tonight. They wanted to discuss the N'r'njan's dietary habits."

The two of them enjoyed their meal, though Jon didn't enjoy it quite as much as he should, affected by T'Pol's disapproval of his omnivorous diet. Once they finished eating, the dishes cleared away and coffee had been brought by the stewards, Jon set up the first game. They had a pleasant evening watching the game though Jon was finding a little difficult concentrating on the game itself, between Trip's constant fidgeting and admiring the water polo players themselves, the way the water beaded on their smooth, muscular bodies and how their swim shorts moulded to their sculpted buttocks-

"Trip," he said, more sharply than he intended, uncomfortable with the current train of his thoughts, "What's wrong with you? Why can't you sit still?"

"Sorry, Cap'n," replied the engineer, blushing. "It's just.. gawd, I dunno what's wrong with me right now, I-" he stopped, looking highly embarrassed.

"Trip, how long have we known each other?" said Jon kindly. "Nine years? There's not many secrets between us. You know you can talk to me about anything?"

"I think I jus' needed that shore leave, I guess," he admitted. "It's okay, I'll cope. I thought I'd distracted myself from thinkin' about it but I guess I was more disappointed than I let myself admit." He didn't meet the captain's eyes and Jon thought maybe there was more going on than he thought.

Eventually the current game ended but to Jon's shock as he went to put the next one on, he realised he couldn't really remember who scored, or how many points or even who won. All he could think about what how fit the players looked. Not only that but just how damned good looking his chief engineer was. He got up, avoiding looking at Trip.

"You know, I can't believe I'm saying this," he said, sheepishly. "But I'm not in the mood for water polo. I think I'm going to turn in."

He left the room, hurrying back to his quarters, thinking that he was in need of some very personal attention.

* * *

Trip watched the captain leave, feeling puzzled as it was clear Jon was not himself but also relieved as he was equally certain he was not himself. He'd known Jon a long time, as the captain had said earlier, he knew that the older man was a highly attractive individual who had many admirers but he himself had never really thought of Jon as sexually attractive. Hell, he'd never really thought of any man as sexually attractive! Yet here he was imagining Jon in a swimsuit.

"I need to get laid!" he concluded. In the meantime, he was going to head to his quarters and attend to a rather pressing need in his pants!

* * *

The next morning, the captain went to the bridge and gave the order to break orbit. He sat in his chair and watched on the viewscreen as the stars flew past. It was time they made their way to the Omicron Cephei system. He was tired, his sleep had been interrupted by some intensely erotic dreams, though he couldn't remember what they were about. Looking about the bridge, he couldn't help notice that Malcolm and Hoshi were also looking tired. Only Travis looked his normal, eager self. He glanced at T'Pol who seemed to be fidgeting slightly, which seemed very odd. Knowing she disliked personal enquiries, he refrained from asking how she was.

He decided to relocate to the ready room for some strong coffee and to catch up on his mission reports. However, even with the aid of caffeine, he was having some trouble concentrating, the room seemed very warm, though checking on the computer, the temperature was normal. He felt slightly feverish and hoped he wasn't coming down with something.

"I guess I should get checked out," he said out loud. He saved his report and sent it to Hoshi's station to be sent on to Starfleet Command before entering the bridge. He glanced at Hoshi who was looking as delectable as ever.

_Get a grip, Jon!_ he thought as his body responded to the lovely young woman. _She's almost young enough to be your daughter!_ Then he happened to glance over to T'Pol, engrossed in her sensor data.

_How did I not notice how beautiful and sexy she is?_ He shook his head and spoke, trying to avoid looking at the science officer.

"I'm feeling rather hot," he said. "T'Pol, take the bridge. I'll be in sickbay." He didn't wait for a response as he headed for the turbolift.

On the way to sickbay, he couldn't help notice passing crew members, once more specifically how he appeared to have such an attractive, sexually desirable crew. He entered sickbay to see Crewman Cutler intent on a console she was working on and his eyes were drawn to the delightful shape of her derrière. _What the hell is wrong with me, I'm feeling like a horny teenager!_ He cleared his throat. _Why have I suddenly become so obsessed with how my crew looks?_

"Captain!" said Liz, spinning around quickly. "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you come in, I was absorbed in the etymological data that T'Pol has just sent me from the N'r'jans!" She looked very shifty and avoided his eyes.

"At ease, Crewman," said Jon. _I know how exactly I'd put you at ease! Stop it!_ "Where's Doctor Phlox?"

"He's just gone to main engineering," said Liz. "Commander Tucker and Lieutenant Hess sustained plasma burns when a conduit failed, he's gone to treat them on site."

"Plasma burns?" he said, worriedly. "How bad?"

"Thankfully they aren't too serious," said Cutler. "They'll be back to work as soon as Phlox has treated them."

The captain looked relieved.

"Thank you, Crewman," he said.

"Is there anything I could help you with?"

"I'm just feeling slightly under the weather," he replied. "I'll just head back to my quarters and see how I feel. I'll come back if I start to feel worse."

"If you're sure, Captain? I'll let Phlox know you dropped by."

"Thank you Crewman."

He stepped out of sickbay and headed to his quarters.

* * *

"That should do it," said Phlox, smiling at Commander Tucker. "Keep the wound clean and dry and come back at the end of your shift for me to reapply the burn gel. You and the lieutenant were very lucky that these are only mild burns!"

"Thanks, doc," Trip replied, flexing his hand. "C'mon Anna, we'd better help clean up this mess!"

Phlox headed back to sickbay, pleased with a job well done. He frowned slightly as he felt an uncomfortable sensation in his stomach. When he arrived at sickbay he went to use the facilities.

"Hmm, perhaps those flower cakes I had at lunch didn't agree with my physiology!"

Cutler saw him coming out from the small bathroom.

"Doctor, the captain dropped by earlier, he said he was feeling unwell," she said. "I did notice he was looking a little flushed."

"Thank you, Crewman. Where is he now?"

"He said he would go to his quarters."

Phlox nodded.

"I will make a house call then," he said. He picked up his medkit and set off.

He rang the chime to the captain's quarters, but it was at least a minute before the captain responded.

"Who is it?" Phlox couldn't help notice the captain sounded slightly breathless. _Breathing difficulties?_

"It's Phlox, Captain." There was no response at first.

He was about to use his medical override when the door opened.

Archer was indeed looking flushed and was out of uniform. He was dressed in his blue vest and a pair of very baggy sweatpants.

"May I come in?" Phlox entered at Archer's nod, noticing the captain was avoiding his eyes.

He entered and the captain sat on the bed. Phlox immediately brought out his scanner.

"How are you feeling, Captain?"

He looked up at the doctor.

"Rather hot," he said, "And restless."

"Hmm," said Phlox, examining the readout on his scanner. "You appear to have a slightly elevated temperature, your heartbeat is slightly higher than usual and your testosterone levels appear to be elevated as well. How long has it been since you last masturbated?"

"Doctor!" yelped Archer, turning bright red.

"Now, now, no need to feel embarrassed. It is a completely natural part of maintaining a healthy endocrine system! I do not understand why humans are so coy about their libidos!"

"We're just very private about that aspect of our lives," explained the captain. "It isn't something we readily discuss."

"Perhaps you should; unresolved sexual tension is detrimental to efficiency. Shore leave is something to be considered."

"We only had shore leave six weeks ago!" protested Archer.

"Consider yourself off duty, captain, for the next twenty four hours," Phlox said. When the captain tried to protest, the doctor held up a hand.

"Now, now captain, I'm sure the ship will survive if you take the day off to relieve your condition, hmm?" He packed up his medkit and left the captain to it.

He went back to sickbay and then found he needed to relieve himself again.

"Perhaps it's just as well I didn't have any more of those flower cakes!"

* * *

The end of the shift, quite unusually for _Enterprise_'s devoted chief engineer, couldn't come quick enough for him. His arm was itchy from the plasma burn and he felt rather warm and restless, his mama would've said he had 'ants in his pants'. He noticed Anna looking very fidgety as well. _And rather sexy! Just hold up a second, where the hell did that come from!_ He glanced again at his second in command, at the way she filled out her uniform rather well, with her gracefully curvaceous figure.

Both of them headed to sickbay as they'd been instructed with Trip trying hard not to look at the lieutenant walking next to him, aware of the faint smell of her perfume and sweat, an intoxicating combination as far as Little Trip was concerned.

He blushed, mortified, hoping that Hess hadn't noticed his stride becoming a little more awkward and his pants somewhat tighter. _I_ really _need to get laid!_ he thought as they entered sickbay. Last night's self service didn't seem to help, he'd woken up still horny this morning and needed a very long cold shower before he could leave his quarters.

The two of them entered sickbay but Phlox wasn't there, only Crewman Cutler, who was bent over retrieving some PADDs off the floor. Trip's mouth dried up as he observed the way Liz's uniform tightened over her nicely shaped ass. He glanced at Anna and to his shock, saw she was also checking out the crewman's behind.

Liz stood up quickly and spun around, reaching out to catch herself on the biobed next to her.

"Must have stood up too quickly," she muttered as she put the PADDs down on the desk. Speaking louder she addressed the two officers from engineering.

"Doctor Phlox told me to expect you, take a seat and I'll fetch the burn gel."

They both hopped up onto a biobed and Trip was very aware of Anna's very feminine body next to his. J_eez, I've never thought of Hess that way!_ He also sternly reminded himself that she had a long term partner, an engineer on Jupiter Station.

Cutler soon came over and treated Hess first. As she did so, Trip became transfixed by the way the dark haired crewman seem to caress the arm of the red haired engineer. His mind began to conjure up all sorts of scenarios involving the two women, which he tried to clamp down on by concentrating on the Enterprise's uptight, paranoid, chief tactical officer. Only when he did he couldn't help thinking of Reed's beautiful dark blue eyes, firm biceps and incredibly tight ass.

_I need to get a grip before I really embarrass myself!_ he thought as his pants got even tighter. To his relief, Cutler finished with Hess and told her she was free to go. Trip thought he'd never seen his second move so quickly. Then Liz turned to the chief engineer.

"We're alone now, Commander," she said huskily. "Why don't you strip off the top of your uniform and your shirt? It'll make it easier to treat your burn."

Trip swallowed as he did so, noticing the pretty brunette's eyes dark with desire. She treated his burn, caressing it as she did Anna's. A soft moan escaped his lips and unable to help himself he leaned forward and kissed her.

_Oh, shit!_ He thought as she eagerly responded to him, the tube of gel slipping from her fingers. He pulled away and jumped off the bed.

"I'm sorry, Crewman, I don't know what I was thinkin'!" he said, backing away from her. "I shouldn't've kissed you."

"I didn't mind, Commander," she said, approaching him, "I won't tell if you won't."

_Oh gawd, I'm breaking a whole mess of regulations, coming onto an enlisted crew member!_ The next thing he knew, Liz was in his arms again and they were kissing passionately.

"We need to get outta here," he gasped. "My quarters."

They pretty much ran all the way there.

* * *

Meanwhile on the bridge, Trip hadn't been the only one desperate for his shift to end. Malcolm Reed was also suffering. The beautiful, Japanese communication officer and the elegant, Vulcan science officer were currently running rampant in his mind, _sans vêtements_. He chastised himself for his rather unprofessional thoughts and tried to recall his last time playing chess with Travis, however that didn't work as his imagination furnished him with an image of the helmsman fingering a porn, _pawn!_, in a decidedly erotic manner.

"Is there something wrong, Lieutenant?" T'Pol's modulated tones interrupted his day dream of Travis slowing stripping his uniform off.

"Wrong?" _Bloody hell, could I sound any more squeaky!_ He cleared his throat. "I'm fine, Subcommander!"

She raised an eyebrow and the effect of it shot straight to his groin, causing him to bite his tongue as he suppressed a groan.

"You appear to be somewhat flushed, perhaps you are suffering the same ailment as the captain?"

"Yes, yes, that could be the case," he said, eager to grasp the excuse to leave before he really humiliated himself. He risked a quick glance to Hoshi, who was looking equally restless and now appeared to be shooting rather sultry looks in his direction. Once again, as he met her beautiful dark eyes, he felt a surge of lust head straight down to his groin, thankful that he was concealed behind his station.

"I think I might have it as well," the communications officer said. "Perhaps we should go to sickbay?"

T'Pol then scratched her neck. As she did so, the turbolift opened and out came the beta shift crew; Malcolm was never so relieved to see them. He, Travis, T'Pol and Hoshi made their way into the turbolift. As the door closed, Travis selected C deck.

"I'm going to the gym," he said, giving his fellow passengers an odd look. "What decks do you want, Sirs?"

The other three wanted E deck and the lift began to move. Travis got out at C deck, avoiding the others' eyes. Malcolm watched him as he strode off down the corridor, imagining him sweaty and gleaming as he worked out in the gym.

"Are you sure you are quite well?" asked T'Pol, as the turbolift continued. Malcolm realised he'd let out a small moan.

"Erm, yes, it's just it seems a bit warm, perhaps there is a problem with the environmental systems?" he babbled. _No, you fool, you're in a confined space with two rather attractive ladies!_

T'Pol didn't see fit to respond to such an obvious fallacy. He did noticed her edging away from him, sniffing, once again scratching, this time her arm. It would have struck Malcolm as rather unusual behaviour if he hadn't suddenly been transfixed by the way her breasts were plumped up by her arm reaching across to scratch her bicep.

Hoshi, on the other hand, was edging closer to him. When the turbolift arrived on E deck, T'Pol got out first, marching very quickly towards sickbay. Malcolm was about to follow her when a small hand grip his wrist and pulled him back into the lift.

"Hoshi, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.

"What I've been wanting to do all day," she said, then she pushed him against the wall of the lift and kissed him. Malcolm's arms went around the petite woman and pressed her against his body. Then he pushed her away.

"Ensign, this is highly inappropriate!" he said, opening the door to the 'lift.

"Live a little, Malcolm," she said, unzipping her uniform. "I want you and I know you want me!" She gestured at the rather prominent bulge at his groin.

She was right, he realised as she shrugged herself out of the top of her uniform.

"Come 'ere, gorgeous," he said, pulling her into his arms. They stripped off, kissing each other passionately, not noticing that the door to the turbolift was still open as a pile of clothes was created in the doorway. Too busy exploring each other's bodies, they failed to hear the footsteps coming up the corridor.

After Phlox left, Jon decided to head to the gym, maybe some vigorous exercise would help relieve his tension, the two hand jobs he'd given himself before the doctor came by hadn't helped. He couldn't remember the last time he'd come twice in such a short space of time. However as he turned down the corridor towards the central lift, he came to an abrupt halt. There appeared to be a pile of clothes blocking the door to the lift, keeping it open.

_What the hell?_ He could also hear the slap of flesh against flesh, two voices moaning and then;

"OH, MALCOLM!"

"That good, love?"

Peeking through the door of the lift he saw a shocking sight, his chief tactical officer had his communications officer up against the wall of the 'lift, her legs around his waist and they were...

Jon took in the sight, in equal parts horrified and aroused.

_I didn't know Malcolm had such a shapely bottom! And that Hoshi had such perky breasts!_ Hoshi's eyes suddenly met his and he stumbled away.

He practically ran back to his quarters in horror. He knew he probably should've done something, said something but he was simply too shocked. He made it to his quarters and ripped his clothes off, heading into his en suite. With trembling hands, Jon turned the shower on to cold and stepped in. He gasped at the shock when the cold water hit him, but before too long he felt calmer and the trembling had stopped.

He turned the water temperature up then leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. But before his eyes, as if burned to his retinas, he saw Malcolm pounding hard into the young woman, Hoshi with a look of ecstasy on her face. Without being consciously aware of it, his hands slipped down to his groin and he began to caress himself. He surrendered to the sensation and gave his body what it craved.

Dimly though, as another orgasm tore through him, he thought, _there's something terribly wrong here!_

* * *

Trip and Liz barely made to the engineer's quarters before they began stripping off. He pulled her onto the bed, kissing her. He was now beyond caring about how much trouble he would be in if anyone found out, all he cared about assuaging the lust that was building up in him. He straddled her, playing with her breasts as she arched up to him.

"Commander, take me now, please!" she begged him shamelessly.

"Call me Trip!" he said, as he entered her with one swift thrust, finding her more than ready for him. She shrieked his name as she came, with him following not long after. He rolled off her and they lay on the bed, panting with the exertion.

"I never knew you were interested in me," said Liz after a few minutes, sounding puzzled. "I never knew _I_ was interested in _you_!"

"You think there maybe something wrong here?" he said. "Maybe we should go get checked out?"

"Maybe," she said uncertainly, but then she turned back to him. He saw the lust in her eyes, felt his return and reached for her once again.

"We'll go to sickbay later," he said before kissing her deeply.

* * *

Malcolm eased Hoshi down on to the floor, both of them panting for breath. He suddenly became aware of his surroundings, as did she.

"Bloody hell!" he exclaimed. Hoshi looked as mortified as he sounded. Frantically they pulled on their clothes. When they were dressed they left the lift, then turned to each other. Their eyes locked and he felt another rush of desire flood him.

"My quarters are closer," he said, grabbing her hands. She nodded and they rushed off down the corridor. So intent on each other they failed to notice another couple of crewman enthusiastically coupling in the corridor that lead to the armoury officer's quarters. This time, they managed to restrain themselves until they were alone before they began tearing each other's clothes off.

* * *

The _Enterprise_ sailed majestically through space. Thankfully, space is big and pretty empty, as few had their minds on their jobs, as a wave of sexual heat permeated through the crew. Various members of the beta shift crew kept excusing themselves to go to the head, the alpha and gamma crews, if not mating with their crew member of choice, were self-pleasuring, taking cold showers or exercising in the gym, which was unusually busy for the time of day. Those few unaffected by the wave of lust taking over the ship took to hiding from their amorous crew mates.

The mess hall was empty, which probably was just as well as Chef was currently in his pantry being serviced by two of his stewards. And Captain Archer was on his third cold shower of the day, trying to ward off a small beagle who kept trying to join him.

* * *

In sickbay, Phlox emerged from his fifth trip to the head.

"Something's very wrong, here," he said. "Crewman Jones," he gestured to the medical technician on duty, who had also just returned from the other head, the one that Phlox used now rather pungent.

The crewman came over and at Phlox's request, scanned him and took a blood sample. Phlox examined the results, carefully.

"Please go and fetch me one of the cakes that came up from N'r'nja, Crewman," requested Phlox. The crewman went and eventually came back to Phlox's relief as he was beginning to get worried. He did notice Jones was looking rather dishevelled, his zip was half undone and his undershirt was clearly buttoned up incorrectly. The Denobulan took the cake and subjected it to a few tests. When he finished he sighed.

"Oh dear," he said, "I think I know what the problem is!"

He then proceeded to take a blood sample from his crewman and analysed that.

"Oh dear, oh dear!" he said. "This is terrible, although it does rather give me a unique opportunity… Crewman, we need to get to work."

He couldn't straight away as T'Pol entered sickbay.

"Can I help you, Subcommander?" asked Phlox, looking at the Vulcan woman in concern.

"I have a headache," she said. "I require a more effective nasal numbing agent. I believe my headache has been brought on by an excess of olfactory disturbance. The humans on the ship are particularly… pungent. And I have a skin complaint, my skin feels quite irritated."

"Ahh yes," said Phlox, getting a hypospray. "I believe I know why. It seems the _m'l'nc't'n_ flower cakes contain a rather powerful aphrodisiac!"

He got his scanner and scanned the Vulcan woman.

"You appear to be mildly allergic to the aphrodisiac, which is causing your skin reaction, fortunately the pheromones have not caused an increase in your libido." He bustled about in one of his cupboards, bringing out a tube of ointment.

"Calamine lotion will help," he said. "An old fashioned but effective cure from Earth, unless you wish to try my Denevan locust secretions?"

T'Pol took the pot.

"I'm sure that will be sufficient, thank you, Doctor," she said.

Phlox nodded.

"Here's some more of the nasal numbing agent," he replied, handing her a small vial. "However, I suggest for now you retire to your quarters, Subcommander!"

Not long after, Cutler and Tucker managed to drag themselves down to sickbay. Phlox seemed delighted to see them.

"Please sit on the biobeds, I will need to do an exam of you both," he said. "No, different ones please!" he added, grinning widely. Liz got down and climbed onto the next one. Phlox scanned them both and went into his office.

Eventually he emerged, with a huge smile on his face.

"You'll be pleased to know… Ah," he said, as he saw that Tucker and Cutler had once again joined each other on the same biobed. They hadn't noticed him enter main sickbay, probably because they were otherwise occupied trying to remove each other's uniforms. Neither had Jones, who was sat on the next biobed, his hand inside his own uniform. Quietly, he set up the video feed to record the proceedings. He wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to study human mating!

"Archer to sickbay," said the captain's voice over the comm.

"Ahh, Captain. I believe I know what is wrong."

"Thank God! A couple of hours ago, I walked in on Hoshi and Malcolm in one of the turbolifts! If that isn't all, Porthos is currently humping my leg!"

"It's the flower cakes from N'r'nja," said Phlox, sounding very cheerful, jotting notes on a PADD, as he watched the crewman and the commander with interest. "They contain a powerful aphrodisiac which has caused a massive increase in the libido of the crew, as well as lowering inhibitions and increasing the production of pheromones. Fortunately it doesn't affect higher reasoning, hence your success in resisting the effects. Everyone who has sampled the cakes has been affected!"

"That's most of the crew!" Archer sounded horrified. "Can you do something about it?"

"By the time I develop a counter agent and treat the crew, the aphrodisiac will have purged itself from your bodies. In about three hours, you should feel yourself returning to normal."

"Three hours?"

"You may find the time is shorter if you do not resist the effects. In the meantime I will arrange for the remaining cakes to be destroyed, preferably by someone who has not sampled them as they are rather addictive."

"Travis refused them in the mess, last night," Archer recalled. "I'll contact him and ask him to take care of it."

Their conversation was interrupted by a low moan.

"What was that?" Archer asked.

"Ahh," said Phlox. "That would be Commander Tucker and Crewman Cutler, they are currently engaged-"

"I don't want to know!" The captain cut him off, sounding desperate. There was another impassioned moan from the two lovers.

"It's alright, Captain, I believe they have finished now."

"Archer out." The comm went dead. Phlox looked over at the biobed, which Cutler was now bent over, covered by the chief engineer who, Phlox noted with interest, seemed to have favoured a rear entry position. Both of their uniforms were puddled on the floor around their feet, leaving them in their undershirts. The two lovers looked up and saw Phlox, with identical expressions of horror on their face. They quickly separated, pulled their underwear and uniforms back on and straightened up, equally embarrassed. Jones, on the other hand, was now looking at Phlox with a lustful expression that made the Denobulan rather nervous.

"You'll be pleased to know that I have discovered the source, Mr Tucker," said the Denobulan cheerfully, before repeating what he had told the captain.

"Where's the cap'n?" asked Tucker.

"In his cabin," said Phlox. "Probably taking more cold showers. Or, if he followed my suggestion, he will be mast-"

"Too much information, Doc!" interrupted Trip, with a shudder. It was too late, he suddenly had the impulse to see if the captain needed an extra hand.

_Don't go there, Tucker! _he thought, shaking his head and resolving that his hands were staying on his own person.

Tucker nodded and then ran out of the room, to head for his quarters to follow the doctor's advice.

"At least those cakes aren't affecting you, Doctor," Cutler said, ruefully.

"I believe it is, though its effects have quite a different result on Denobulan physiology. Please excuse me."

Phlox quickly left the room, going to the head. The two crewman exchanged looks.

"We really don't want to know," Jones said out loud, before pulling Cutler into a passionate embrace.

* * *

As predicted by Phlox, within a couple of hours after that, the crew's libidos had begun to drop to normal levels. Travis had not eaten any of the cakes and had disposed of them all. The atmospheric scrubbers had done their job of ridding the air on the ship of the lingering smells of sex and pheromones, much to T'Pol's relief as she emerged from her quarters.

She was relieved to have not been affected the same way as the Human crew. If she had, it would be fortuitous that there was an excess of men on the ship as she was certain it would require several human mates to satisfy her sexual hunger, due to her superior Vulcan stamina.

She went to the mess hall for a cup of chamomile tea, to find various crew members sitting in there looking embarrassed. They looked up at her and looked away, so she made good her escape.

* * *

Tucker, Reed, Sato, Hess and Rostov were sat around, drinking tea and coffee, and picking at a plate of chocolate biscuits someone had liberated from the galley.

"I guess this is an experience we won't forget," said Tucker. The others nodded gloomily in agreement.

"I learned how long the charge lasts on my Rampant Rabbit XL," said Hess. "Not long enough!"

"At least you didnt get yourself into a compromising situation," retorted Rostov. "Taylor and I ended up having sex on top of the warp reactor, with the rest of the engineering crew, those who weren't otherwise engaged, taking bets as to whether we'd fall off!"

"What!" exclaimed Trip, "Only I'm allowed to - ah, that was very dangerous and the two of you can consider yourselves on report!" For some reason, the chief engineer had turned bright red.

Reed snickered then yelped.

"Don't know what you're laughing for, Malcolm," said Hoshi, who had kicked the armoury officer under the table. "At least none of you were caught by the captain having sex in a turbolift!"

Malcolm turned pale.

"The captain saw us? Oh, God, give me a PADD I'll have to resign!"

"Don't be stupid, Malcolm," said Trip irritably. "At least you don't expect to be featured in the next interspecies medical journal under the topic 'Mating Habits of Humans in Space'!"

"It's okay, Commander," said Liz. "I snuck into Phlox's office and deleted his notes and sickbay videos of us."

Trip sank back in his seat.

"Thank gawd for that," he said. He didn't notice the small smile on Liz's face, she certainly wasn't going to tell him that she'd kept some of the video.

"Commander, is it true about our next destination?" asked Rostov. "I heard we're going to Betazed."

"Yeah, we'll be there in a couple of days," said Trip.

"I've heard of them," said Hoshi. "They're a telepathic species, very old but very welcoming."

Trip nodded.

"Well, apparently we're going to attend a wedding…"


End file.
